Welcome to The Gonzo Journal

It has begun, the transformation of modern news into a heaping conglomerate of fused machinery. You will be freed from the sweeping tentacles of the groupthink octopus, no longer a mollusk forced to feed off of parasitic documentaries while you are tainted by the oil spill of mainstream news. Swim into Arizona Bay. Leave A [...]


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So, I Heard Keith Olbermann Is Hung Like A Chandelier (A Love Story)

How many news anchors does it take to screw in an unpopular news network founded by two of the most boring men in the last five (the only five) centuries of US politics? Not unlike his equally awkward PDA with Tipper during his Presidential run, Al Gore seduced the slightly younger, albeit less manly (than [...]


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Breaking News: The War In Iraq Is Not Actually Over, Why Bad Parenting Is A Global Crisis

Today, the free world convoy crossed the barren desert of Iraqi soil for what may seem like the last time – but the truth is, it was neither the first nor the last for a country that has been engaged in a long running Proxy War with China and the Former Soviet Union for over [...]


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Album of the week, Dec 18-25: 40 Below Summer – Invitation to the Dance

Welcome to 30-second gonzo kamikaze album reviews – the album is 40 Below Summer’s Invitation to the Dance, a nu-metal/alt-metal album which was released on October 16, 2001. The tracks contain the following: We The People, a song about revolution. Rope, a song about auto-erotic asphyxiation or something. Still Life, a stream-of-consciousness song. Wither Away, [...]


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Thursday, November 17th, Noon.

I’m drifting at sea in a world that favors pretty over smart… well, that was the case, except that now people who ARE pretty are considered smart due to the groupthink mechanism. Those of us who practice science and tolerance, we’re facing eradication. A slow, choking death by movements which will never succeed and governments [...]


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Saturday, November 5th, 1:04 PM. My Open Letter To A ‘Radical Feminist’

This post is proof that the matriarchy is not in danger. But let’s set the record straight… If you want to have a party, I’m all for it… but you should recognize, there is no feminism without traitorous actions by men who would otherwise be inalienable leaders of a pure patriarchal society. We ALLOW you [...]


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Wednesday, November 2nd, 1:42 AM.

After repeating the coaxing back-and-forth experience of waking up and then falling back asleep a few times I decided to wake up and see if I can get some more work done. North Dakota is starting to look appealing… lots of stories there to be had. The winter storms are piling in from the coastline, [...]


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The Rum Diary movie opens today (Oct. 28)

Go see it. What, you wanted more than that? Well, okay. Bring some friends, too. Bonus points if you experiment while watching the movie. No points if you experiment and drive. Leave A Comment Using Facebook…


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An Open Letter To Occupy Wall Street: Stop covering up a more serious, fruitful and endowed movement

Dear Occupy Wall Street. Your awful protest timing as well as your George Soros billionaire 1% backing have covered up an actual grassroots movement, one that I really wanted to see blossom (in more ways than one). Like an angry, white-shirted group of moralists preaching against war and rich society, you have inadvertently taken the [...]


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Obama’s pull out is too late, the Middle East is already pregnant

Today Commander-in-Chief and former “A little blow when you can afford it” spokesperson Barack Hussein Obama decried a full-scale pullout from Iraq, while blinking his eyes and grunting intensely, sweating furiously over his little blue teleprompter. He proceeded to promise that troops would be “home for the holidays”, a politically correct promise fraught with the [...]


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The Abridged Version, Issue 1, Oct 23, 2011.

Note: The abridged version on Gonzo Journal is where we post short excerpts and updates, not full articles. We also will include rumors and other such tidbits of information which may (or may not be) true, as always. Rumors will be categorized as such. Short News: Deryl Dedmon, the murder suspect in Mississippi, is said [...]


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